Listening to the inner calling’s desires (3 min read)
What do you want to do today?
I don’t know about you, but my brain can be like a train hauling fast down the track of ‘have to.’ During those times, I feel guilty when I relax without a purpose or a goal. If I sit to watch a show, I first look at a list I keep of comps for current projects. I stop myself from getting lost in thought or scrolling through Instagram because I tell myself, Time is so precious, never waste it.
But I know better.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to not live every day as if it’s my last. To assume I’ll see tomorrow. To let laundry pile up and let the house go to hell for a few days. I can be mid-living. The inner calling is more than my lifelong vocation and spiritual purpose. It’s about listening to the little urges that happen right now.
Right now I’m feeling sleepy.
Right now I’m feeling content.
Right now I need nothing.
Right now, I want to close my eyes and let my mind wander. I want to let random memories flood my being. I want to imagine what it would be like if I lived inside a favorite childhood book like Bridge to Terabithia. A forest with golden light. A creekbed and a bridge. A best friend next to me giggling.
I want to feel my toes sink into the bed. To see how long I can not move them. To half close my eyes and squint out at my room and make it look funny.
I want to listen to my own breath grow heavy as I get closer to dozing off for a nap.
I want to let dreams take me on an adventure. I want to wake up and remember them.
I want to pretend I’ve been alive for a thousand years and see what memories I have of being in different places and being different people. A pirate. A warrior. A princess. A tiger.
I want to smile for no reason. I want to see if I can tell which nostril I’m breathing in and out of more readily. I want to hear my own heart beat and see if it really does stay in the same rhythm.
I want to listen for the furthest sounds I can hear. I want to find all the quiet in between me and them.
I want to close my eyes.
I want to find others like me, who long to be children forever. To create without thought. To sink your toes into the earth. To dream and dream. To imagine and hold. To smile for no reason. To hear giggling and know it’s shared.
Wherever you are, let’s meet at the playground and I’ll race you down the slide.
